Where does it come from?
La Flor Inexistente was a short film that I created as my final thesis project for University. The inspiration came from an old fable I once read. The story was about a person who, as a kid, saw a hand emerge from a flower and started waving at him, luring him into it. Later on, he starts a path of self-discovery, where he strongly carries those magical moments he lived as a child. For me, one of the greatest images was that of the hand. In my films, I work with this aspect of the shadow, the hand that comes from underneath, like in Alone and I. The one that shows the uncomfortable truth of change. I also wanted to create a film that captured my confusion in that moment. A lot was happening in my life that drove me to write this piece and made me want to make it my final thesis project. The idea was also tied to my thesis question: “How do filmmakers portray spirituality to create a new tangible image?—from this, my idea was to create a journey of self-discovery, and in some ways, a love story (or a break-up, again). As I’m practising to use symbology, I tried to show the meaning of “the flower” (peacock feather), which also appeared in my previous films. The peacock feather represents a positive change. It is said that peacocks eat small snakes and transform their venom into the colours of their feathers, a sort of “negative” into a “positive”. In this instance, the peacock feather was my flower, a flower that represents the power of change, which the main character, Hektor, tries to get but is unable to. The film was intended to be a twenty-minute piece, max, but it turned out to be thirty minutes long. The scale was big; even after writing my thesis, I was pushing my luck with time, but it was inevitable. I felt I had to create it, no matter how hard it would be.

How did it happen?
For this piece, I wanted to involve my friends, neighbours, and the two bars where I work, one of which was where I met my dear friend Klauss Dupeyrat. That bar was in its closing stage, and so I wanted to capture it in my film. I base my current student films on my surroundings; I’m writing about what is around me to use, rather than imagining something else and having to either pay or find ways to get there. I wrote the character of Hektor based on a part of myself, one which I started to realise about myself, and I also wanted to see it from the outside. In some ways, I also see that I started to mock myself, giving Hektor this sort of “stupid”, “unaware” character. I don’t have problems with alcohol, but as I work in bars, my character does. Working in gastronomy has given me the eye to see many different types of people, the way they consume and interact. My character is based on them, too. The two characters who played the giants were my coworkers. For one, I couldn’t have made the film without their magical presence and persona. And as they were also working there, my bosses trusted them behind the bar as we filmed after hours. The rest of the characters playing were neighbours and friends who were frequent visitors to the bar. This experience, of involving so many people, seemed quite natural for me to board. Getting everyone involved, motivated and hands-on was, in many ways, easy to manage. What was most difficult of all was the size of the project, keeping the energy up and staying one hundred per cent active all the way through. I had planned a two-week schedule, with almost every day booked for shooting. This was arranged based on people’s availabilities, both actors and crew. This extreme shooting plan was, in the end, manageable, but certainly frustrating and tiring. All in all, the film was made in one month, with two weeks of shooting and two weeks of editing work. A lot to learn for next time.

What did it mean?
La Flor has been a project that perhaps started with lots of clarity all the way through. Maybe more than my previous Alone and I. But of course, meaning pops up in many forms, again and again.
The film is intended to be a story about a guy, a man, unaware that his relationship is deteriorating, who goes in search of solutions in his dreams. There, he meets entities that try to help, but somehow, he manages to forget the most important thing that may have helped him fix things. Hektor is in search of a flower, a flower that he doesn’t see, one that he isn’t ready yet to see. In contrast, his partner does see the flower, the power of change. It was meant to be a contrast of realities. His start in the film shows his shadow with the missing flower in the hand, waving. The partner at the end of the film shows her shadow, waving that flower. The two realities are also connected by the sentence: “The flower doesn’t exist… but it dies every day”. The flower is meant to represent the awareness of the patriarchal being that exists inside of us. Especially inside men. And so, he isn’t able yet to see it, because he’s going through the process of identifying it. And that is what I tried to do in this project. Perhaps it wasn’t clear, as I feel the need to explain it. But it is a great practice and something I learned to make better in future projects. The ideas keep coming, and the motivation burns forever.

Right now, the film is being edited again by me. I’m identifying lots of details and changes that I can add to the project, making it precise and concrete in what I want to say. The finished product is developing in a different way than what I presented as my thesis project. As this has been my biggest and most difficult task, I have learned a lot about my capacities in managing time, working with others, and staying realistic about deadlines.